Friday, September 10, 2010

9-10-10

so tomorrow I am starting Weight watchers...again. I got down to 123 pounds and I plan to do it again. I'm ready. I really dont have anything else to say.

I've been thinking about the significance of tomorrow and I dread having to think about it. Its been 9 years. I feel very depressed. I wish that never happened. I remember where I was when Andy told me the first plane flew into the tower. WE still thought it was an accident. I was kind of like...ok. So I went to my Sociology class where we were supposed to be talking about extremist groups (coincidence?) and watched that second plane fly into the tower. Talk about chills. We spent the day watching footage at school. Nobody really understood what was going on right away. Why did these people do this? Just the other night I had a dream that I was on the plane that the people overtook and flew into the ground. I wonder how many lives they saved. In the dream I was with Claire and I knew we were going down and we were going to die. I was scared and Claire was starting to panic. I held her close and my heart was pounding. In my dream the plane never crashed but I was in a perpetual state of panic. When we hit MAJOR turbulence on our way home from China I thought we were going to crash and it was terrifying. It seemed like the moment would not end. I just wonder what it was like for all of those people. Did the ones who flew into the towers and the pentagon know they were going to die? I guess they did. Did time seem to stand still as the realized that their lives were over? That their children were about to lose a parent, that their parents would have to bury their child, that they would never get married or have a family or have a career or finish college? what were those last minutes like for them? I just want to protect my little girl from this wicked world but I can't. The world scares me. I shouldn't let it because God is in control but still I wish people would just get along. I mean I can tolerate people who are different from me even if I dont like the choices they make. Why can't everyone? Why is there so much hate? My heart hurts just thinking about the world I'm raising my daughter in. I am just so glad that in the Bible there is a lot of reassurance that this is supposed to happen and vengeance is the Lords. Truthfully I think we are getting close to that day. I'm so glad I'm His.