on fire

So today i was listening to music doing my housework and I started thinking about God and how I wanted to be more faithful in seeking Him. I've been feeling this way for awhile now. Anyway today it occurred to me that maybe I'm not seeking Him but He is seeking me. I feel this pull to Him and it is certainly not due to anything I am doing. Even when I feel so far away from where I need/want to be I am being pulled into worship of Him. It is so weird because I am just mopping and this song comes on by swithfoot called On Fire. This song is so great. You should listen to it. Anyway while I am listening to it I just feel like it is saying exactly what I am feeling inside and it reminds me of all the times I have felt far away and how I feel a longing deep inside for closeness to Him. How as soon as I give in and put in the effort or even before that He is there invoking worship from my heart, filling my soul with Joy. It just shows me again and again his mercy. I fail and He forgives before I even ask. He hears the groaning of the spirit within me. Its incredible to me. His mercy and grace are amazing and I am so undeserving. Here are the words that caused me to worship today.

But everything inside you knows
Says more than what you’ve heard
So much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be... (near you)

Cause everything inside looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I’ll take

When I’m on fire
When you’re near me
I’m on fire
When you speak
And I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

Christmas, birthdays, and new years resolutions

Christmas was great. Me and Christmas have issues sometimes. I know that it is to celebrate christs birth and I love Jesus but to me Christmas in America is not at all about Christ and I am a part of that trend that excludes Jesus from his own bday party. I just always feel like it is wrong because it completely contradicts what Jesus would want. Consumerism is not what Jesus would want. Greed is not what Jesus would want. I mean sure, there are many people that are not this way but as a whole I think Christmas has become something distorted. Plus, the pagan roots surrounding the holiday are hard for me to ignore. So I am to a point where I just want to celebrate Christmas without making it religious and making a point to have a day of reflection of Jesus birthday. I mean if it were me, I wouldn't want people celebrating my birthday this way. I worked retail as a part of a friends and family thing this holiday season and probably 90% of people used a CREDIT card to pay. I hate that. Nobody should have to charge gifts for Christmas. This bothers me. I don't want someone to go into debt to buy me a gift. Well anyway once I make Christmas just a holiday I can relax about it even though the greed, consumerism, and debt makes me INSANE! I dont mean to cut Christ out of Christmas but I just dont feel like it is the respect Christ deserves. I think if we really think about what Christ would want for His birthday (which supposedly was no where near Dec. 25) is for us to be His faithful servants willing to serve where we are needed. So maybe instead of wondering what I am getting next or if I got as much in gifts as so and so I should be focused on serving others. I just feel so lazy because I never follow through on these feelings. I've spent a few years having a lot of dislike for Christmas because of these feelings. I sit here thinking that I am sounding really really judgmental but really I dont think that I have any right to dole out advice on others this is a personal struggle inside of me. It is what I need to do. It is about what is going on with my soul and my personal convictions.
So on the note of gifts...my birthday is in a few days and I am so excited because I am getting a Nook! I have been thinking about getting one for awhile because of my trip to China. I really wanted something to put in my carry on that was light instead of a million books. So I am excited! yay! I can't believe that I will be 27! I am getting old too fast! haha.
So I have a few new years resolutions this year. A lot of people say that they don't do resolutions but I always do. I LOVE to have goals. I like to make lists. I want to be better. I enjoy making resolutions.
1. to seek God. (I've got to get better at spending time with Him) I really feel like I am right at the edge of God using me to do something for Him but I keep being too lazy to ever do it. I want that to change.
2. Work out and lose the last 17 pounds I have. this is obvious. haha.
3. Read 40 books(in addition to Bible reading and study). That may not sound like a lot but I only read when Claire is asleep so I dont have a lot of time so that is a little less that a book a week.
4. Save a set amount (that Mike and I have already agreed on) for our adoption.
5. fix our AC with cash

4.

Simplicity 8953

So here it is! I'm finally all finished with the princess dress! I got it all made up for her and put it on her and she gasped with joy! She kept talking about going to the ball. haha. All I can say is that this dress is perfect for a girl her age! She loves princesses and dressing like a true fairytale princess. I had so much fun with this dress.
The fabric is satin. A dull satin and a shiny satin. At first I was not sure about the color because it was so bland looking but now I am so glad. At the last minute I made a headband for her with some ribbon that matched the dress. It was easy as well. I just hot glued everything. =)

I saw the pattern for this a few years ago and I thought that it looked so hard but beautiful! I'm glad I bought it because now it is out of print. You can still get it though. I can't believe I finally made it! =)

The shoes were from Gap. We loved them as soon as we saw them. When we got ready to take pictures I said "Claire, go get your shoes." and she said,"They aren't shoes, they're glass slippers". That is the fun of all this. I just love that she loves it so much. It was meant to be OVER the top! =)

All I know is that I am just so proud of this dress. It is probably my favorite project ever. I'm glad I saved it. I love the fabric. I love my baby and I love the photographer. I did do a review of the dress pattern and it is here

Taking a break

I am in the middle of a break from sewing. Tomorrow, however, I must buy some ribbon so that I can finish the gloves for Claire's Christmas dress. WE will take pictures soon. I am also getting some lights for the house because Claire really wants some. haha. She is so into Christmas this year. It really makes it hard to be a grinch when she is around. Christmas is so magical to her. =)

So anyway I started reading the Harry Potter series and I'm almost finished with the first book. It is great. I am really enjoying it. There was one little thing that bothered me a bit. It was how the Dursley's are portrayed as boring bigots. I do know that there are people out there that are like this but I must say that being someone who has strong religious convictions, I would hate for people to look at me that way. If they don't like witchcraft that is fine. No need to make them out to be a slimy bigotted character. But really it has nothing to do with Christianity or anything but it just seemed like a lot to me. A lot of making the reader dislike these people who were against witchcraft. It just almost seemed like the author was trying to push her convictions or rather SHOVE them down children who will be reading these throats. Its a little silly probably because other than that part I've really enjoyed it. I am excited to see what happens and I'm also excited to see the movie!

Hurrying

I am reading this book called The Hurried Child by David Elkind and so far it is AWESOME! All of my fears of not living up to the standard of todays culture as far as raising children are being resolved! I love his ideas and it is making me realize that I have made some good choices in regards to Claire. (Praise the Lord! haha) I mean so far it is just talking about how because of our busy American culture we tend to hurry our childre to grow up too fast. Putting them in adult situations even when we don't realize it. We sometimes expect them to know stuff too soon in life, which thwarts their growth! I am so glad to have found this book because I'm finding that maybe I push Claire too hard to grow up too fast. Like why does she need to know her ABC's at 3? She doesnt! She's 3 and when she is ready she'll learn them! It really takes the pressure off. I can't believe how much I push her because I dont want people to look down on me for being "just" a stay at home mom. I've decided that I need to take a look at how I parent and learn to let go a little and let her be a kid because I DON'T want her to grow up too fast. I dont think any parent wants that. There will be more on this subject because often, I think, adults (especially moms) are peer pressured into making their kids perform at the level that other parents SAY their kids perform. If your kid isn't interested in learning their colors or ABC's at 3 then there must be something wrong with your parenting. You must be lazy. Your child must be deficient somehow. I worry too much what people think cause here's the deal: Stay at home moms are BUSY! This is by far the hardest job and most exhausting, thankless job I've ever had. (but worth it and I feel so blessed!) I do not sit on my rear eating candy watching Jerry Springer all day. That's just not how it is but for some reason (and I don't think I am alone here) it seems that people have that perception of us. I guess its from the "oh, I dont think I could just sit around all day"s we get. there is a lot of pressure for our kids to be at the same level as schooled preschoolers. I know one thing for sure, Claire's learning style is different than mine. Her perception of the world is different than mine and from now on I'm going to let her explore at her own pace. =)

So I'm a little overwhelmed. I have a ton of things to do. This includes making crafts for our craft sale to help earn donations to go to China. We are taking some kids with us to China to go teach conversational English at a school. The chinese kids really love it! It was so fun last time. The kids are so sweet. We also will get to see tourist sites in China and bond with the teachers and do things with the kids. We get to do some work that is really fulfilling. So anyway, it is going to be an amazing experience. So anyway we are trying to earn money and so we are having a craft sale. I am making different things as ideas for crafts to make at a party we are having on Friday. I am just completely exhausted from sewing the dress and all these crafts and cutting and picking fabrics. Its fun but I am so exhausted. goodness. Who knew it would be so mentally draining to sew. It's been a very busy week. . Next I am going to make an elf stocking for Christmas decoration. I think it is going to be really cute. Then we are also going to mod podge. I think it will be a really fun party. Some of the girls have never sewn before so I think they will have fun.

The DRESS. Oh my goodness the dress is almost finished and it is so gorgeous. I am very proud of it. I told myself that I wasn't going to show a picture until we had pictures taken but it's so hard not to share it. It is so fancy. The Christmas pictures are going to be amazing. I can't wait to see. I'm scared that it is going to get dirty though since it is such a light color...and satin. I have never been more proud of a sewing project! All I have to do to it is make the gloves and put in the zipper. It is DRAMATIC. wow. Claire loves it too. SHe went up and kissed it yesterday. hahaha.

Adoption is selfish

Yep I read that today from a few people on a post about Chinese adoptions dwindling. It really hurts. Why would someone be so against international adoption? They said it was selfish to take a child out of their culture. OK, so let's leave a child in ,let's say Ethiopia, in an orphanage. Let's leave one of the 6 million in Ethiopia in their culture...without hope, without a chance for a family, without love of a mother. Let's face it, because of poverty and illness in that place there is no way all the children will be adopted. Is it ideal that they get adopted from someone in their country? YES! But is is realistic? unfortunately not. So let's leave them there to die because nobody ever touches them. Let's leave them to age out and continue the cycle of poverty. Let's leave them to get sold into slave labor or into child prostitution. Let's leave them so they never wake up on Christmas morning wondering what "Santa" brought them, so they never graduate elementary school much less high school or college. That's better than being "selfish" and bringing them to America. Yeah, that makes sense. Do people not realize that international adoptive parents have thought about this. About culture. Maybe that is even why they choose to adopt from a particular place. Maybe we've done some research and we plan visits back so that can connect with their culture. We are parents. I am not a perfect person but I know that being a mother is the most selfless job you can ever have. So how is adopting a child overseas selfish? I just can't wrap my head around that statement. These things really hurt. It will probably be something we face for our child's whole life. All we can do is pray. I will not let people bully me into not following Gods plan for us. I will not let people bully my child for being different than us in appearance. It is just hate. Hate and a superiority complex. Who is anyone to decide what is best for someone Else's family. Why can't all adoptive parents band together. It is hard enough being an adoptive parent without having to compete to see who is the most selfless adoptive parent. It is like this weird contest, whoever adopts the most needy child wins and they get to dole out as much unsolicited advice as they can get to come out of their mouths. Why can't we just all be happy when a person adopts through any avenue? I mean a child in need is a child in need. this orphan problem is bigger than us so shouldn't we all rejoice when one child is rescued from that no matter where they are from? I didn't expect it to hurt this much to hear so much negative feedback. I know we are doing what we are meant to do I just didn't expect to already be hearing this much negativity about it, especially from adoptive parents!!! I just wish people would start loving each other instead of making everything a fight. I dont like to get my feelings hurt. haha.

There is no turning back

I sewed the overskirt and underskirt to the bodice. Claire loves it! She gasped when she saw it. That sure makes it worth all the effort. I will put the zipper in tomorrow probably. I am also making gauntlets to match the dress. I am not going to post a picture of it until it is finished and I get some professional pictures taken with Claire in it. Luckily, Mike rocks at taking pictures.

I guess I will post a picture of a skirt I made a few weeks ago. I am pretty proud of it. I like it a lot. It is called the Nie Nie skirt and it is by pink fig patterns. Claire LOVES it. Of course she is my girly girl. (who also likes to climb trees and play in the mud!) It was intense with all the layers but easy. I think the whole process of picking fabric made this project the most fun. Picking coordinating fabrics that were funky. That was a blast! I enjoy seeing her in it. I really love to sew. I'm glad I have something that I love to do sew much. (haha)

Gather, gather and more gather.

Today I gathered the skirt of the fancy dress that I am working on. MAN that thing is gathered. It is incredible. I just basted it today to get a feel for how it is going to look. I am calling it quits for the day. I will probably work more on it either tomorrow or monday. I need to let my brain rest. It is amazing how mentally exhausting sewing is. So far it hasn't been near as difficult as I was expecting but it is probably the most challenging thing I've made. I think that the cording and the gathering has been the most challenging thus far in this project. I actually think that the cording makes the bodice look so professional. I love it! At first I was a little stressed because you can't press satin very well but now that I've actually seen it on Claire it is just right. =)
I can't wait to see it all finished. I tried it on Claire just now and it is a little scary how HUGE it is. It is very fancy. Like cinderella fancy. INSANE! I'm not sure if I love it just yet. I can't wait to see it with the sash and the gloves. When I pulled it onto Claire she gasped. She LOVES it. That makes this whole process worth it. You can just tell that she feels like a princess. So here's to a VERY HUGE and VERY FANCY Christmas dress. (that is cream...yeah...NO COOKIES for her on Christmas..haha... jk.)

Totally immersed

So I am just checking in because I am making this dress for Claire. I am making basically the same one as the live dress in the photo. I bought cream fabric and lace. I have been looking very forward to making this. I am about 1/2 way finished and it has been difficult already. Probably the most difficult thing I've made thus far. I made my own cording, which was a first for me. then I made the bodice. I have done ONE of the overskirt parts and the underskirt and I gathered them and pinned them to the bodice just to see and oh my goodness they are going to be gathered to the MAX. I am going to have to take a picture of the gathered part before I sew it. It is incredible. I have never gathered something this much to fit such a small bodice! wow. I guess that is why this dress is so poofy! haha. Right now I can't seem to envision it because it is all cream. I am anxious to see it all finished because right now it kind of looks boring. I'm second guessing the color. BUT I think that once it is finished it will look elegant and like a dress any little girl would fantisize to have! Claire LOVES dresses and dressing up so she will probably love how poofy it is going to be. Wish me luck...I'm going to need it. haha. I am usually one to just work and work until I am finished but since I want it to look professional I am FORCING myself to take a break and go to sleep. I have to learn to take it one step at a time. I just get so excited to see the finished product. eek! I can't wait! Well more pictures to come!