something ugly

I just dont even know where to begin. All day yesterday I was thinking about how appearance isnt everything and God has been talking to me about this all week. I definitely don't want to be in the group of people who see someone and think that I am better than them. I dont want to be a part of the group that tears other Christians down either. I want to be able to go into walmart and not judge people becuse of what they are wearing. I am a Christian and I know that those things just dont matter. How you smell doesnt matter. What you wear doesn't matter. How your hair looks doesn't matter. How your body looks doesnt matter. I got a good dose of why not to judge people by their appearance this week. Someone picked on someone I love very deeply yesterday because of their appearance AND Talent. We are talking TWO DIFFERENT CHRISTIANS picked on this person I love and told them he/she wasn't good enough. This person is an amazing person and I love them so much and it hurt me that people were bringing them down. He/She had the potential to go deeper with God last night because we were at church...and I'm not sure he/she was able to shake the 3 horrible and ridiculous things said to them. My heart is just broken. I know that I am called to forgive these people who hurt my loved one but it is so hard because I just don't understand how they could bring down a fellow Christian in this way. I would never intentionally hurt someone. I would NOT go jiggle someones tummy and say they needed to lay off the sodas or I wouldnt go to someone and tell them that their talent just wasnt as good as so and so's. I just can't understand. But one thing I have done in the past is silently judge people based solely on appearance. I hate to admit that. Its embarassing and it hurts me. I guess this week sheds light on a flaw of mine. I don't like to see any of that in myself. I am going to change it because here's the thing. God loves us all. We may be involved in sin but he still loves us. God loves the Christians who persecuted my loved one. God loves my loved one. God loves the people who shop at walmart. Appearances are decieving. I just hope I am not the type of person who would've denied Jesus because he wasn't the great King I was expecting. He was just a carpenter. Maybe he was dirty and had dirt in his fingernails? Would I drop everything and follow him. I hope so. We have got to put a filter on our hearts and mouths. Just because you think something about someone or you have jealousy that makes you want to say something negative to someone doesnt mean you should or need to say it. Filter your mouth and heart. Your stare or words could completely turn someone off to Jesus. It could hurt their self esteem. It could bring them down lower than they already feel. You just dont know what something you say or do could do to someone. I hope people dont think less of me because of my confession but I promise that from this day forward I will be working on it.

I'm reading 3 books right now...

1. Bringing Up Girls by James Dobson. So I have been anticipating this book so much. I love reading about parenting so I couldn't wait to get my hands on this book. Thanks to Dave Ramsey I was too cheap to buy it so I waited to get it from the library. I am only a little past the intro. I am enjoying it so far but there are a few parts that make me roll my eyes. Already hes coming in talking about girls getting piercings and dying their hair. COME ON! Really?? Is this delinquent behavior? I dont think so! I got my belly button pierced at 17 and I didnt do it to be a sex symbol. I wanted to express myself. Why did it have to be in the form of a piercing? I have no clue. I just loved the way it looked and I wanted one and I wanted to express myself in that way. I was a good girl when I was a teen. As far as hair dying, I think anyone who knows me knows that my hair has been every color under the sun. Black, brown, blonde, red,purple, pink, even green (although that was an accident). Sometimes I did temporary colors. Sometimes I want my hair to have some purple in it NOW. I dont think I will do this since I am nearing 30 but still. I do plan to get highlights in a few weeks. I just dont see how having pink hair or a mohawk would make a girl rebellious! give me a break. Its just annoying that according to most old people and some religious people we just all have to fit in the mold. We have to be cookie cutter stepford wives with perfect perky boobs with our aprons on cake in the oven and perfectly molded light brown hair with that big perfect grin on our faces. I dont think that is a good message. I know that I am not that kind of woman. I can honestly say that if Claire came to me at 15 and wanted blue hair...I'd probably let her do something temporary if it was a way for her to express herself. If she wanted to dress like a bratz doll that is where I draw the line. As far as Claire goes hair is no big deal to me as long as it isnt a way for her to tramp herself up. I dont want Claire to get a piercing but do I think girls that have piercings are delinquents?? NOPE. Some of the most cruel people I've met are the people who dont have any piercings and perfect hair and some of the nicest people I've met have mohawks...so I guess I dont really understand what the big deal is about piercings and hair color. I know that my personal relationship with God has not been effected by my navel ring or my pink hair (its brown right now...) In fact I know that God made me the way that I am. He knows that because of who I was as a teenager that I expressed myself on my body. I also think tattoos are just fine as an adult. He hasn't touched on that yet but I'm sure that if pink hair and navel rings are already stressed then tattoos can't be too far off. Overall, however, I am going to love this book and I am still looking forward to the advice Mr. Dobson has.

2. The Christian Athiest by Greg Groeschel. This book is an easy read. It is very basic but a very good reminder to Christians who dont really believe God. The chapters I read last night was about shame and love. I have deep hidden shame that I feel scared that God wont forgive me for. I'll sit here all day and say "oh yeah all sin is forgivable" but when it comes to me I just hate to think about certain things and when I do I just have a hard time believing that I will be forever connected to God. How could I? It was a good chapter to read. The other chapter was love...Gods love for us. It is so easy to say that God loves us but do we really believe it? I learned this a while ago that I have treated God like Santa. He gives me good things when he's happy with me and bad things when He's not. I've found that is not true and so it says in this chapter. I love it. I think that I agree a lot with this pastor's stance on things. I have watched some of his sermons online and they are good. Basically there is nothing that can pull us out of His hands. This would be a great book to give someone who was just starting their Christian walk or for a middle/high schooler. I like it so far. I am amazed at this guys honesty. He's not afraid to admit his past and it is just so refreshing to hear someone who is actually real.

3. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte- I had a hard time getting into this book at first but now I am about 1/4 of the way through and I am starting to fall in love. It just touches me because Cathy's character is so familiar to me. I love this so far the characters are so unique and flawed. Catherine as a child reminds me of Claire so much. So full of life and vibrance. Heathcliff is "adopted" into her family and they love each other from childhood. I guess soulmates (I absolutely hate that word by the way). Heathcliff is hated by his adopted family because the dad showed him favor but once the father dies his relationship with his adoptive siblings deteriorates. It is starting to get good. I love to see the dimensions in his character. I know people like him and I find myself really feeling for him even though he comes off as arrogant at times. It just makes you wonder where the inspirations came for his character. I see him go off and ignore Cathy and show that arrogant side but I know that deep down inside he's hurting and he doesn't know how to show his love for her. I know this flaw. I love that and I see myself and my dad in him. Well so far that is all I've really read of it but so far I love it. I know it is a sad book and I don't know if I will cry. I have only cried in two books. An American Tragedy I cried for about half an hour after I finished that book and the other is My Sisters Keeper in the first few chapters. I probably wont finish that book. I just can't help but think of Claire. I dont want to even think about it. =(

Where do I start?

So this week is a really boring week. I dont have much to say. I will probably save my long rants about stuff that annoys me for another time. haha. No but truthfully this week has been pretty boring so I guess I will just kind of say who I am and why I want to do a blog...
I'm Mel and I am 26. I have a cute little bald husband and a beautiful and VERY hyper little girl. My daughter is almost 4 and she is pretty awesome. We are learning our letters right now. I'm so proud of her. We adopted her 3 years ago on Oct. 1. I feel like God has been preparing me since I was a child to be an adoptive mom but I was surprised to find out that I can't have children. It took me awhile to accept this but I am so thrilled to have this life and to have been chosen to be an adoptive mom. Honestly I just can't imagine how DNA could make a lick of difference in the love you feel for a child. I'm sure this will be the subject of many future rants.
I am a Christian. Not just a "I believe in God Christian" but a "my life is forever changed Christian". That is scary to say that because I am a new creation but some of my glass half empty demeanor comes out sometimes when maybe it shouldn't. I use writing as a way to vent frustration. I am usually a very happy person. So don't take what I say the wrong way and I dont care if you have a different opinion, we can still be friends. =)
So I plan to make this an outlet for myself and just a place I can write about my day and Bible learnin'. See you later.