Monday, October 29, 2012

Next Thursday our lives may change

Well we waited a couple weeks for the call from our case worker but it did finally come. Honestly I think it was God's will for us to have to wait a little longer than a week because I got Pneumonia and I've been OUT for almost 4 weeks now. I was so ill that I wouldn't have been able to process the information. Well anyway I received the call on Wednesday Sept. 19 and she said "you have been selected for Marcus". My heart was racing. I was incredibly happy and I could almost not even talk because I could barely breathe. She asked if I remembered him and I said yes. He was the boy we originally went to the DHS office to see his file. She asked if race was an issue and we said no. He is half black half native American. We already knew though because we read his file. I told her my fears and she told me that we do hold all the control in this. She did put me at ease. I asked for a picture because I wanted to put a face with the name and see my potential son and so she emailed it to me. Friday Sept. 28 at around 10 to set up a day to meet up. His name is Marcus. I know it sounds weird but he has pieces of each of us in him. He is missing his two front teeth like Claire, He has my eyes, and he has Mike's glasses. He just had his birthday. He is 6. He is so freaking adorable. We showed Claire is picture and she was so excited! She started to jump up and down and scream with excitment! We have read his file. I don't remember it all except one part that was particularly disturbing. We are so scared and I am really ready for answers to my questions especially to this one part of the file. Our number 1 priority is Claire and we want to make sure she isn't abused in any way by him but we also don't want to introduce ourselves until we are 95% sure it is going to work out. I've come to the conclusion that in this situation you have to get the information then just jump in feet first. If we don't find out some terrible information that makes us think he will be a harm to Claire he will be our son. I think there is a pretty good chance that this precious little boy I see in this picture is my son. MY SON and He is beautiful. I can see he has sad eyes. I know that it will be a difficult road and that he will have to grieve but I so want this to work out. I already am falling in love with him. So basically this is how its going to go down...We will meet up with our case worker and his therapist on Thursday at 9am. We will go through a 150 page paper on his history. We will be able to ask questions to his therapist and address our concerns. Once it is over we will be able to decide if we want to proceed. If we do then we will set up visitation. We will meet him and hopefully his foster parents and have several visitations. He will come visit overnight too. When we all feel ready and comfortable he will come home to us. Hopefully sooner rather than later. We plan to set the date for Jan. 1. Hopefully he will be home for good before that though. Now I have a lot of guilt and shame over admitting that there is a chance we will say no to this little boy. It would take a lot for us to say no. We know he will be grieving and he will probably have some behavioral issues. (haha I think Claire has prepared us for some of that!) It would have to be something that would make us believe that he would be a serious threat or harm to Claire. We vowed to protect Claire and give her a life her birth parents couldn't so we are making her the priority right now. I think its important to understand that the right match for an adoptive family is of utmost importance. Marcus is a child that desperately needs a family to love him and provide for his needs. We may not be that family and I have to accept that. It would be devastating to me if it didn't work out. I want him home with us. I want him to have a normal and joyfilled life and I realize that we may not be the family that can give him that. I pray and hope we are his family. If you are thinking about adopting an older child...keep it in mind that when you see a childs face you may get a warm fuzzy feeling but that doesnt mean it will be the right fit. I also want to say to not get too scared when you hear the dirty details of your childs life. All children have baggage (even those in their natural families) and if you are open and honest with the case workers and therapists you can find out if this is the right fit for your family. Its a big decision and not one to be entered lightly. I think the decision has to be made with a rational mind not an emotional one. My emotional mind says I don't need to know the details, bring him home. My rational mind knows that his issues may be too much for our daughter or us to handle. We want to make a decision that is 90% before we meet him because it will harm him emotionally at that point. I am not going into this lightly. Honestly when you look up older child adoption you don't get many positive stories. When you tell people you are considering it or that you have been chosen for a child you will get responses like "I will pray for peace no matter what the outcome" and they will give you looks like they think you are making a mistake. I pray that I am that positive story. I want to inspire people to go ahead and pursue older child adoption. Once we found out about Marcus a few weeks ago I've struggled with a lot of emotions. I've read a lot of daily Bible readings which lead me to believe that this is God's will. If we don't get to adopt Marcus we are going to start foster to adopt. We wont be finished. ps. 68:19 - God bears our burdens (worries, troubles, etc) Gal. 6:10- Do good to others as the opportunity opens John 16:33- On Earth you have many trials, He has overcome the world (He's in control) Phil 4:9- Put into practice what you've learned and received from God Heb. 10:35-Endure so that you can receive the promises after you do God's will John 13:34-35-Love one another Ephesians 2:8-God saved you (we are adopted) Acts 20:24- I want to complete the work Jesus gave me, to declare the good news Phil 1:6- He started a good work and he will finish it John 14:1- Don't be troubled, TRUST IN GOD Ps 27:13- I know I will see the Lord's goodness in this present life The common theme I see is immitate Jesus, Trust Him, and know there will be good that comes from God out of it.

No comments:

Post a Comment