Wow...again!?!

So it's been awhile. oops! :) A lot has been going on. We went to Disney World. It was a BLAST! We all had so much fun and I am already ready to go back!!!! We finished our application to DHS and we are now in the waiting process. There is actually a lot of stuff I'm feeling right now. We have been submitted to one staffing so far. We didn't get matched with any children that met our parameters (guidelines set out for our adoption. ie: Birth-age 4) but they sent us a list of all the children that needed a home and so we went and looked at files since there were a couple who were 5 or 6. We went up to the DHS office and got his HUGE stack of papers. There were 97 files of waiting children. These are children who are legally free for adoption. They are just waiting on a mom and a dad. Most are over the age of 5 and if they are under the age of 5 they usually have siblings that are older or several siblings. It was HEARTBREAKING. The kids that were older would actualy have quotes in their file saying stuff like "I just want a mom that will tuck me in and pray with me" or "the one thing that is special about me is that I can remember stuff really easily". Every single file had a picture of the child except one. He was the one we were going to see. He was the first file. We sent an email to our case worker saying we were wanting to know more and we found a couple of files we were interested in and told our case worker that we'd like more info. Well we got a call a few days ago asking if we would foster to adopt...well I gave it some serious thought and we prayed hard and came to the decision that we would wait a few months before we did foster to adopt because we are worried about all the stuff that happens with foster to adopt and we need more time to pray and think about it. So anyway the very next day we got a call from our case worker. Aug. 29. She was talking with the case workers of the kiddos we were interested in and they want us. So its turned into a possible adoption. I know its a boy and I know he is 5 or 6. I know there is only 1. He is 1 of 2 possilbe children. He is a few months older than Claire. I am struggling with all kinds of feelings. For one, its not for sure. We won't know until next week. For two, we don't know details, we have no idea what he has been through. My heart is longing for him but my mind is presenting me with all the what if's and possible problems. This is just scary. I don't want many to know about this yet because it is so up in the air. I desperately want it to work out. There are soooo many people who will be impacted by this. I know it will be difficult. I am sure it is normal for there to be some fear. I get this rush of panic at times about this and then I think about camping, birthdays, and going on walks. I think who is going to love this boy? I wonder if this is who God has chosen for us. It really has opened my eyes to foster to adopt though (which is really just basic foster parenting-a lot of foster parents do end up with adoptive placements). We are open to the idea now. Its scary because you may lose the child back to the birth family but its also has its perks. I would assume that with fostering you would have to allow yourself to fall in love with the child but also remember that you are trying to reunite the child to the birth family and thats the way it should be if it can.